A Thousand Hours

I feel so much when I listen to this Cure song. It's not even the fact that the lyrics match my soul, but it's the rhythm and the beat and the tempo and everything in the sound of it. If my aching heart had a score, this would be it. You know what, just set practically any song from the Kiss Me, Kiss Me, Kiss Me album to my life and it will work. Robert Smith knows depth, no one can argue with that. I guess the only reason I am writing here is because I don't want to write on Facebook, I don't want to write on Twitter, and I know that most likely no one will see this. But maybe on the off chance someone does, they can help me through it all. Through all of this unwanted confusion, the pain of not being wanted, not feeling good enough. This phase should have passed and died a long time ago, with the rest of my 16 year old angst. I'm 19 now, and I am more confused and sad than I ever have been. I just want to know that I'm not the only one who feels like they are drowning. Why do we want to give our hearts to the wrong people, the one's who don't even want a fraction of our being in their lives. Why do we choose to care for the ones who are so careless. "This Is A Lie" by The Cure is another great one to equate to how I feel. I guess I'm done, I just needed to write all of the sadness out, to put it in a place that no one could find.

You don't have to read this one

Have you ever just sat in one spot for minutes at a time and thought about everything and nothing at the same time? And your favorite song with your favorite line in it was playing in the background. A song like "Asleep" by The Smiths. And inside of you... there was this feeling of complete confusion, but also of complete understanding about people and why they are the way that they are. This probably makes no sense unless this has actually happened to you. It's hard to describe, and I know I'm not making any sense right now. And for some reason I am okay with that. I just need to write. I don't understand things sometimes, and so I write. And I listen to music. And I try to understand the things I don't understand. And sometimes it works, but sometimes it doesn't. I can't sleep tonight. I can't sleep any night, actually. Every night brings new thoughts and headaches for me. I wouldn't complain so much on here if people actually read this. But I know that they don't, so I feel comfortable with complaining. It's what is inside of me. And, fuck, it's hard to find any truth lately. At least within myself. I feel like by writing this I might not even be telling the truth. What is the truth? The real feelings inside of me. I don't even know anymore. This world, this generation, has corrupted me. I am so far from myself. Where is my mind? Ha... The Pixies. They knew the truth. They are the truth. Tonight wasn't good. I wish I could fix myself.

Figure yourself out:

"Fix You" by Coldplay

"Follow The Arrow" by Rosi Golan (Too happy. Listen to this if you don't feel like I do)

"Shape Of Things To Come" by Audioslave

"Evening Kitchen" by Band of Horses*

The Commander Thinks Aloud" by The Long Winters

"The Park" by Feist

"Blowin' In The Wind" by Bob Dylan

"What It Takes" by The Real Tuesday Weld (I hope one person listens to this... and I hope that it applies to them)

"Breathe" by Ryan Star

"Have you Forgotten" by Red House Painters* (Listen to this when you feel like you have nothing left)

Love

I love you.
All of you.
Every inch of skin you have on your imperfectly perfect bodies.
I love your diseases, your sicknesses, your struggles.
I love you no matter what.
I love you, even when you feel like no one else in this world loves you.
I love you so much, because you are imperfect.
Because those imperfections are you.
The literal definition of imperfect is: "not perfect, faulty."
To me, you are in no way faulty.
The definition of imperfect TO ME is this:
Quirky, individualistic, free, true.
It is so important in this world to be true.
True to yourself.
Because every one of you has a beautiful soul, one that you should wear proudly.
You may not love me, and most likely you don't, but that's okay.
Hopefully one day you will see this and realize that love is the key to life.
Hopefully one day you will see the people around you, your equals, in the way that I see them: with love.
Hopefully one day you love them, all of them, if you don't already.
Our world needs you to love one another.
Love the "nerd" who believes that there isn't anyone out there who cares.
Love your mom, because I can assure you she loves you with every single ounce of her body and soul.
Love your teachers, the ones who work so hard to give you knowledge.
Love your enemy, the one who might need your love the most of all.
Love is the only gift given to us.
Use it.
Please.

Love, Bre

Only one song for today:
"Life Is Beautiful" by Vega 4

And also the most important part,
The reason why I am feeling this way is because I just read an amazing letter, which I think that each and everyone person in the world should read. It is long, so make sure that you have a good 10-20 minutes to read and digest it. Maybe less time or maybe more, depends on the type of person you are. This letter has changed my thinking about life, which was the purpose of it. I am so blessed to have read it. Please, all I ask is that you read it. You won't regret it. The link is below.

http://www.actualsanity.com/

^^^^^^^^Letter^^^^^^^^^^